“Some people see things the way they are and say why, I dream things that never were and say, ‘Why the hell not?'” – pg. 25
“Heroes don’t have to be public figures of any kind. Heroes are right in your family.” – pg. 56
“Time is a bastard: When you’re sad there’s too much of it, and when you’re happy there’s never enough.” – pg. 129
“We sold the house. […] Somebody else owns it now, but it doesn’t belong to them… because I can close my eyes and go there anytime I want.” – pg. 178
“Belonging is not the same thing as acceptance. […] It’s a feeling you recognize within yourself, and it’s contagious. Other people pick up on that sense of belonging, and the universe seems to shift accordingly.” – pg. 13
“So how do you know when it’s your moment? You know.” – pg. 55
“Connection feels risky; because it is.” – pg. 66
“Someone needs someone exactly like you and they’re preparing to welcome you into their life.” – pg. 68
“The way you love people is not about who they are; it’s about who you are.” – pg. 78
“Were you hired to do your job, or were you called? Either way, you will sacrifice something – time, energy, a chunk of your life – to do that work.” – pg. 92
“But what are the odds of success if you feel called to do something and never give it a shot?” – pg. 95
“Whatever it is you’ve lost, you won’t get it back. It’s gone. But something else will be revealed.” – pg. 158
“Faith is a reasonable stand-in for courage.” – pg. 183
“We tend to think closure is about making peace with people from our pasts, but in practice, it’s about making peace with ourselves.” – pg. 196
“I was fascinated by all of the contrasts between how we’re told life is supposed to be and how it really is.” – pg. 178
“But what to do when we lie down at night and are confronted with the existential threat of our state of being?” – pg. 58
“There’s a saying, ‘If you want something done, as a busy person,’ which has always resonated with me.” – pg. 68
“Without aspiration, we don’t have the ability to seek out the best versions of ourselves.” – pg. 73
“Solitude is essential to one’s mental stability.” – pg. 87
“You never know where the angels are until they present themselves.” – pg. 121
“You will eventually be seen. By your people.” – pg. 173
“Contentment doesn’t make you grow; discomfort does.” – pg. 175
“I want to believe in wondrous things again.” – pg. 182
I don’t know if this is a ‘me’ thing or if it looks different for everyone. But every night when I go to bed, I try to picture some future version of my life that feels comfortable enough to put me to sleep. For all intents and purposes, let’s refer to it as the Bedtime Vision™. Here’s an example: when I’m talking to a guy I really like, I’ll imagine anything from going on dates to getting married to owning a house together. And if that comes off as creepy to any interested male parties reading this (probably zero) then I’m cool with that. I’m secure.
My friends and I used to create entire Sims families of us and our crushes in the 3rd grade, complete with babies. So as the saying goes… I’m not new to this, I’m true to this.
Anyways, the Bedtime Vision™ can change depending on the state of the union. Ever since like 2019, I’ve been putting myself to sleep with images of, “I’m going to live in a cool city! I’m going to get a cool job!” Sure it sounds cheesy, but I’ve also done both of those things, so fuck you.
I bring this all up because – yes – sometimes I gravitate towards, “I’m going to have a successful relationship!” The only problem is: “Okay, but with who???”
Because if I’m not actively talking to someone who holds my interest, I can’t just like, generate a stranger as a placeholder. Then amidst my writer’s block, I start questioning my independence, wondering if I even want to get married… the whole nine yards until FINALLY I wind up going to Snoozeville via the sound of tarot card readers on TikTok. So it’s safe to say I can be bumped up to the front of the line for a lobotomy.
But it’s not the lack of a relationship that’s keeping me up at night. I mean, I do eventually want to find someone who’s hot and loyal and will verbally abuse anyone who steps to me. It’s more about sitting with the idea of, That doesn’t exist for me right now, and then feeling like I’m on an island because no one else in my circle is going through the same thing.
Here’s another convoluted nutshell to try and explain.
When I was in high school and college, we would throw house parties whenever our parents would go on vacation in Aruba. I’m a lightweight. So usually how it worked was: I’d disappear to my room around 1 a.m., sleep, and then wake up around 6 a.m. to start cleaning the house. And at every party, there’d be one or two stragglers who never went to bed. They just drank through the night. So I’d be Swiffering our kitchen floor while someone sat at our dining room table, just talking to me about life. Where it’s going, what we’ll all be someday, x y z. And it wasn’t always a fruitful conversation, or one that was evenly balanced. But we were at least asking some existential questions, right?
Okay, so now that I’m 32 it feels like… I’m not throwing parties at my parents house anymore (although that would be fun). But I still have the Swiffer in my hand. I’m cleaning the house. Only now the dining table’s empty.
Maybe what I’m trying to say is that I wish people would hit the “heart-to-heart” more often. Because it gets lonely feeling like everyone else besides me has reached their destination in life. And to run with the metaphor: being in transit is not, in itself, lonely. I would 100% rather be single with no bitches in my phone over talking to someone who annoys the absolute fuck out of me. But all I want is some reassurance that no one’s figured it out yet, like you’re all still kind of in transit, too. Your own ~special~ kind of transit that’s ~a little bit different~ than mine.
So sit back down at the table and bond with me over not knowing what the fuck we are all doing or where we are going in life. I will throw a party at Dave and Tracey’s and set up a highchair if I have to.
No quotes here folks, it was mainly pictures!!
“It’s hard to let go of something special, but you have to know when to move on.” – pg. 62
“It’s always important to have goals.” – pg. 82
“Breaks come in all sizes and often don’t look like breaks when they happen.” – pg. xiii
“I tried just as hard at the stuff that didn’t work as I did at the stuff that worked.” – pg. xiv
“One reason it is hard for kids […] to imagine a career in showbiz is that you’ve never seen anyone, any adult, doing this work in person.” – pg. 25
“Every day was just Write something funny today, then see what happens.” – pg. 42
“The show doesn’t go on because it’s ready; it goes on because it’s eleven thirty.” – Lorne Michaels, pg. 61
“Get your stuff in front of the right audience.” – pg. 98
“Now I get to answer the question everyone wants an answer to, What happens when you get everything you’ve ever asked for? Do you get happy all of a sudden? Is everything it’s cracked up to be? Yes to both.” – pg. 126
“We never chased the audience, and we never caught them, either.” – pg. 147
“All comedy is critical.” – John Cleese, pg. 237
“You can’t make your own break. […] If you care about doing the work, if it rewards you, just to do it, you will probably be all right.” – pg. 266
“I wanna be defined by the things that I love. Not the things I hate. Not the things I’m afraid of. Not the things that haunt me in the middle of the night. I just think that you are what you love.”
