Three Times Carlin, by George Carlin

“My first boss […] told me always to write down my ideas and save them.” – pg. 5

“No artist is pleased […]. There is only […] divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than others.” – Martha Graham, pg. 7

“I think a person has to be fairly uncomfortable with his thoughts to have the need to block them out.” – pg. 15

“We’re all amateurs; it’s just that some of us are more professional about it than others.” – pg. 85

“There’s an odd feeling you get when someone on the sidewalk moves slightly to avoid walking into you. It proves you exist. Your mere existence caused them to alter their path. It’s a nice feeling. After you die, no one has to get out of your way anymore.” – pg. 112

“Sometimes when I’m told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I’ll use someone else’s. But I always put it back.” – pg. 200

“No one is ever completely alone; when all is said and done, you always have yourself.” – pg. 200

“Cloud nine gets all the publicity, but cloud eight actually is cheaper, less crowded, and has a better view.” – pg. 212

“Positive thinking doesn’t sound like a very good idea to me. I’m sure it doesn’t work. And if it does, it’s probably real hard to do.” – pg. 213

“Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that, […] by elimination, dishonesty is the second best policy.” – pg. 215

“Remember, inside every silver lining there’s a dark cloud.” – pg. 220

“I always like to have something uplifting to offer along with all the gloomy shit.” – pg. 241

“I never read memoirs; the last thing I need is someone else’s memories. I have all I can do to deal with my own.” – pg. 392

“Most people don’t know what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.” – pg. 395

“My advice: Just keep movin’ straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.” – pg. 557

“People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.” – pg. 613