“I was more than happy to accept being a not-that-funny comedian over any other conceivable option.” – pg. 5
“I love hearing a laugh that’s never existed in the world before. Because every laugh is slightly different. Unique even.” – pg. 11
“We all try and save time. All our little shortcuts. But no matter how much time you save, at the end of your life, there’s no extra time saved up.” – pg. 67
“We don’t know what we want. We only know we don’t want what we have.” – pg. 134
“I love cars. It’s my favorite physical object. I don’t know why I think this. My only theory is, when you’re driving: You’re outside and you’re inside. You’re moving and you’re completely still, all at the same time.” – pg. 152
“I’m a ‘Go with’ guy. I really don’t want to do most things. But, I will ‘Go with.'” – pg. 223
“This has happened to me over and over again in my life. You get so used to doing what you do, you don’t see what it is anymore.” – pg. 254
“The essential building blocks of comedy, very often, are an elegant intertwining of really dumb and really smart.” – pg. 254
“One of the nice things about getting married, besides making the commitment to the person you want to be with, is the rejection of a lot of people you don’t want to be with.” – pg. 267
“Stand-up is about a brief, fleeting moment of human connection.” – pg. 255
“People often ask me where I like to work. What kind of places, theaters, which cities? The place I like to work is in my head. To try and reach someone else’s.” – pg. 356
“All men put all things into one of two categories. It’s either, ‘That’s my problem,’ or ‘That is not my problem.'” – pg. 362
“A man wants the same thing from a woman that he wants from his underwear. Certain amount of support and a certain amount of freedom.” – pg. 363
“The bored female is a very dangerous individual.” – pg. 367
“I have millions of comedy friends and I really do love them all. Especially the way they shake their heads all the time like ‘How the hell do you even do this?’ And of course, we never really do figure it out. The real point of our lives is that we try anyway.” – pg. 454
siftyproductions.com 