Blog

Port Wine and Playstation

I started going to therapy nine months ago because I wasn’t quite sure what made me happy. And I’m thrilled to report that I still don’t know, since I’ve sidetracked all of my sessions so far with conversations about boys (*shrugs in Kevin James*). But now that I have less…

Double Fan Apps… and uh, More.

I haven’t blogged in a very long time. I just opened my random Word document of potential topics to talk about in said blog. And now for my greatest trick of all, I will attempt to mold them together into some form of cohesiveness: therefore allowing me to start anew…

Pie Scar Bomb Factory

Girls can get away with being bad at so many things. Like how it’s endearingly cute when a girl loses her debit card for the twelfth time. Or how, when girls are less-than-adequate drivers, it’s written off as an adventure with associated risk rather than a concern. Not to mention,…

“What’s Up With These Chin Hairs”

Sometimes harsh criticism is the only way to make things stick in my brain – especially regarding appearance and health-related situations. You’re really not going to like this example, but I distinctly remember watching an episode of Tosh.0 back in the day where he made fun of an overweight person…

Wanna Buy a Sundial?

I once deeply disturbed a bartender at the 99 over a conversation my dad and I were having about marriage. Basically I was spinning a hypothetical scenario like, “What if I had a wedding someday, but I didn’t actually get married, and you guys all just assumed I was married…

Flag Twirlers, Let’s Movie Theatre

I’m not a huge fan of St. Patrick’s Day. Or maybe I’m just not a fan of holidays. But St. Patrick’s Day specifically is one of my least favorites. With Christmas and Thanksgiving, it’s implied that you might travel to go see your family. So if you don’t end up…

Always Pondering, Never Pandering

I definitely don’t wish I had the personality to do stand-up, but I am very intrigued by the joke-writing aspect of it. To the point where, right before I left Anheuser-Busch, they actually paid for me to take an eight-week class at the Comedy Cellar. And even if that is…

So Cartoony, You Won’t Even Taste the Wrestling

Whenever I hear a Bowling for Soup song, I always think about one of two things: And if there are other people around when either of those cross my mind, I almost always verbalize it. I was never really a huge Phineas and Ferb girl because it made me mad…

Bring Back Causing a Racket

I want so badly to enjoy Tate McRae’s new album, but I can’t because I don’t understand any of the words she’s saying. Picture your grandma hearing rap music for the first time and going, “this sounds like a bunch of racket,” and that’s me trying to decipher Little Miss…

We’re Gonna Jump Start Second Grade

Do you think people enjoy teaching for the selfless aspect of making a difference in someone else’s day/life, or do you think they just want to be seen as someone who teaches? I always wonder this about the grade school teachers who go around boasting their cute outfits. Like, are…

Dilemma (ft. Kelly Rowland)

I saw a meme on Twitter of Spiderman sitting in the rain. It was captioned, “When you were 8 and your crush left you for the dude that was faster than you.” This brought back memories of how I dated a kid named Ryan at the end of 6th grade.…

Too Stoned, Nintendo!

One time this guy said I treated him like “the flavor of the week.” The only effect it had on me was that I played the American Hi-Fi song of the same title (circa Now 7) on repeat all day: nearly blasting a speaker in my car. I think about…

Stealing Some Treasures

It’s the morning after the Super Bowl. I’ve realized that the best way to make secondary plans is within close proximity to your primary plans. That way, you have excuses to not attend any tertiary plans you aren’t interested in. You can just pull the whole, “Sorry, I’m double booked…

Seven Grams

There’s a coffee shop around the corner from my work that serves the softest, warmest chocolate chip cookies. They also makes the creamiest iced mocha possible to the palate. The coffee shop is called Seven Grams. I’m afraid to claim it as my coffee shop, because it’s actually my manager’s…